What does it mean to be committed?

I don’t like telling lies.  Isn’t breaking a promise the same as telling a lie?  Even if you didn’t know that it would turn out to be a lie in the future, does that change things?  Actually, no, because a promise doesn’t represent the future, it represents the here and now.  When you talk about your commitment to something, it really represents your state of mind in the present, not the future…

In other news, I just got a tweet saying that Super Metroid released on the virtual console for 30 cents.  THIRTY CENTS.  Do you know how much time I’ve spent on that game?  30 frickin cents.  If I can buy super metroid for 30 cents, there’s no way I would ever make anything that’s worth anybody’s money.  That’s why making games has to be just about the artform and expression for me.


This is….actually not how I make music.  Which is cool!  Everyone has a different way of doing things.  When I write music, I’m not trying to tell a specific story.  Sometimes I have images in mind (like for OHC) but for me, so much of the song comes out of the song’s “natural flow”.  I just have to let it do whatever makes the most sense.  In that way, it’s much like my leading style in dance.  My fellow fanclub member said that I’m a very “clear” lead, and that’s simply because I only lead things that are natural.  I don’t try to shape my follow’s movements into something that they wouldn’t have already done anyways.  It’s the same with my music.  I’m just passive like that.

Did you know?  The Japanese equivalent of “trouble” is 大変, literally “big change”.  See what I’m getting at?  ^.^;


Do you think it’s a coincidence that 神 (god) and 髪 (hair) are homophones? ;P

My Voice

Sometimes, I imagine that that 50% pulse wave is my voice, echoing and reverberating.  It’s not “just an instrument”, not “just notes”, it contains real feeling.  -My- feeling.  And the way that it communicates to you, isn’t that just as valid as if I were using my own voice?  Perhaps, even more valid?  It seems weird to say that it’s more “true” to me than my own voice.  And yes, maybe that doesn’t make sense to you, because…well, you’re used to hearing my real voice…the way that my words, and that my singing (if you’re one of the lucky ones that has actually heard me sing) sound, is associated with me.

But for me, it’s not really like that.  Because for me, singing is usually not about the sound that I create, but the act of it, the expressiveness that I’m using my voice, my resonance, to express something.  And the sensation that the melody is actually resonating within me.  That’s the more important part of it, I think.

But when I write these melodies, I’m choosing everything about it to express the way that I feel.  It’s not coincidence that my instruments have more of an echo, more of a shimmery feeling than that of, say, PROTODOME or halc, or whatever other artist.  It might be just happenstance that I happen to have a male voice, but it is not happenstance that I am choosing this 50% pulse wave, with this sort of vibrato, with this sort of expression, using these notes.  All of it represents my emotion, my feelings, my atmosphere.  Because I wouldn’t choose this sound if I didn’t like it, right?

I’ve often said that songs have a life of their own, and that I’m just the medium through which they express themselves.  I do sort of believe that.  But the medium matters as well.  I have a certain way of doing things, and because the song is flowing through -me-, and not zircon, not Jillian, not fearofdark, not virt, it expresses itself a certain way.  That’s why my remix of the same melody can sound so different, and so much like me.  Because when the song passes through me, it adapts to who I am.  And I pass on my feelings through it.

“Why do I compose? I do it because I feel truly happy when creating music. These melodies carry all of my wishes and dreams. They provide outlets for feelings such as pain and sadness. They breathe meaning into my life where there was none before. I hope you may find some meaning in them as well.”

Let’s see my post count go up, up, up, and my view count go down, down, down!

Just like the other years, this is real evidence of all the lurkers who see my posts in their feeds and read em and just move on.  Urgh.  Social media is scary because you never really actually know what’s going on.