Sometimes I feel like I like people better when they’re sad than happy. Definitely not always, definitely not, but sometimes. Not sure how to feel about that, exactly. But sometimes people have too much energy when they’re happy…perhaps it feels like they’re more on my level of existence when they’re in a more somber mood. I know that during junior and senior year, I grew very close to Kiki, but at the same time I also kind of always missed the way that she was before…more quiet, more available, perhaps, and it seemed less like she was just fighting off hordes of people and running from place to place. It was because she was kind of depressed, she told me later.
But I really didn’t mind spending those quiet times together with people when they’re not feeling so good. Maybe it just makes me feel valuable and worthwhile if I can provide for someone in that way.
It really makes me happy that Kiki, and my other friend, still value that in me. Because I went/am going through this period of uncertainty and change and everything, and at times I was/am afraid that I had lost a bit of who I am. To hear that reaffirmation that I’m able to be that quiet person who is just there to be there, as a warm presence, that made me really happy. That’s something that is very dear to me as a person.