Monthly Archives: January 2013

Diary

After 6 years, I’ve finally completed my entire diary.  200 pages of 0.5-spaced writing…that’s like the equivalent of 100 or so letters, when you think about it.

Of course, I already have another one lined up for me to start writing in.  I think I’m still trying to rethink my usage of diaries, and what kinds of writing I want to put in them.  We’ll see how it all works out.

Prerelease weekend…ugh!

I’m really glad I got to catch the tail end of the dance tonight.  Such a good crowd…such a good crowd!  I walked in and started changing and I was just like, oh jeez…so many awesome people are here…it was so nice!  I didn’t even care about the dancing that much, I just wanted to go around and love everybody…

Music!  Music music music, music is soooooo important, oh my gosh!  I don’t even care about dancing or not dancing to the good songs anymore because if I’m not dancing it means I can just liisttennnn, and it’s great!

 

Don’t know what to do with my diary anymore, nor my blog…nor myself.  It’s all so confusing.  Maybe I’ve lost my sense of self somewhere along the way.  I think if you asked me before all this happened, I would have been able to tell you, this is who I am, this is what I do, and this is how it works.  Now, I can still tell you what kinds of things make me happy and what makes me uncomfortable, but I would be more like, this is how I have been, and maybe that’s not what I should be like….or is it?  I don’t know…I’m too easily influenced now.  I got brought into a different world, and now I’m just questioning everything about myself.

I just…want to be better…in any way I can…

Tried the “microwave until the proteins start to denature” tip for dealing with my fruit pollen allergy.  It actually might be working?  I ate an apple and my throat feels relatively fine, even though I keep feeling like it =should= start to get irritated.  I misremembered the article too, and microwaved for only like 10-15 seconds when they suggested 30.  So I’ll try bumping it up next time.  Dunno…maybe I just got lucky this time, though.  We’ll see?  If it actually -does- work, then that’s pretty crazy…

Being honest with your feelings really is just so important…so important…

I guess, though, it’s weird to try and reconcile that with my (old?) view of it being okay to keep feelings in.  Ahh, forever a contradiction.  I guess it can’t be just one in the other, because that’s too simple.  Life doesn’t work that way.  It’s just, whatever is best for the time.

But really…being honest…it ties in to not being a coward.  Being Brave enough to do the right thing.

Started to post this on FB/G+/Twitter, then realized it really belongs here instead.  Maybe this is part of what contributes to my lack of posting here.

Wooo, >12 hours of sleep, that’s the first time i’ve done that in a very long time.  My dreams involved:

– Housemate had moved out and so there were a bunch of people who wanted to tour the place and see if they wanted to move in (which makes no sense because we wouldn’t open it up to the public, that makes no sense).  So me and onee-chan were acting as house tour guides, except for some reason the place became super-duper complicated with stairways that basically led nowhere.  This lady that I was guiding around got super-annoyed and then ended up running away from me, whoops.

– Then on the way “back” (?) me and my mother were on a bus/tram of some sort.  There was some sort of level next to my seat that I was messing around with and then I realized that it actually affected the bus’s motion and that I should just leave it at what it originally was.  Problem was, I couldn’t remember where it was originally set to, so I kept on switching back and forth between two settings and seeing which one made sense, I couldn’t tell whether setting A was way too fast, or setting B was too slow.  Bus ended up crashing into other buses, though the collisions were more N64-style always-grounded collisions than what would actually happen in real life.  Later the bus ended up stopping (there was a brief third-person shot of yellow sparks/exhaust/rocket fuel spewing out the back, that can’t be good) and they needed to “deal with it”.  Oops, did I do that?

– At an arcade, probably at Golfland, where I saw TGM3, which is probably because B told me that she had seen some sort of Tetris game there, except that doesn’t actually make sense because Kevin’s TGM3 is at GameCenter, not Golfland, and I would have probably heard something if there was TGM at Golfland, right?  Anyways, I jumped on and put in 2 quarters, except Kotaro was there and despite my protesting he forcibly chose some sort of weird master training mode for me.  Apparently the premise of this mode was that there was some sheet that had a bunch of icons on it, like rotate cw or rotate ccw, and while playing a normal game of master you had to go through and do all of them.  I found some of them super-confusing, like eventually I figured out that one of them was supposed to be a zangi.  Also the 1P joystick was kind of wonky (actually the 2P stick was wonky too, but in a different way).  Also, for some reason I was using the joystick on the left side of the machine but the buttons on the right side of the machine.  Uhhh yeah.  That ended and Kotaro refunded me back my 2 quarters, so I used those to show him what a real game of TGM3 is supposed to look like, as in, I went and played Shirase.  Before the game started I realized that I had completely forgotten my login password.  I had also forgotten my initials, which makes sense because in my dream the name entries were 4 letters long (so I was like, DDRK?).  I was trying out something like L D U R B A for my password because I figured it would have the same ordering as DDR arrows or something, but no dice.  So I ended up just using guest login (I remembered my password after I woke up).  Then I sucked really bad at Shirase, although I ended up slowing down after making a few terrible mistakes, and it actually let me play pretty slow.  At one point I got 4 I pieces in a row, which was strange but convenient.

Yeah.  I’m sure there was other stuff too, I remember waking up and going back to sleep quite a few times.  Man, I was tiiiiired!