Screw you, stress–loving life too much to deal with you right now!
When can we do this again?
When can I see you again?
I’ve got so much I want to do…maybe it’s time for something to give? I’m not sure…granted, I just came back from thanksgiving, so it’s a given that I’m going to be playing catch-up for a little bit. I think the issue is that I don’t see myself having chunks of time to actually -do- that catch-up. Coming back on monday, it was all I could do to check up on a few things and go to bed (coming off of a 6-7 hour flight, and the time difference). Well, I guess I was also spending probably a bit more time than I should have looking at drawing videos…
Then Tuesday night was just spent with family, tonight is Syncopation work day. Tomorrow is OHC, though at least that’s only an hour or two’s worth of time…work is getting a little busier too.
There’s a dance coming up on Saturday, and I don’t think I want to make it to both that and FNW. These days, I don’t think I can afford to do more than one dance a week, I just need that time for other things.
I guess it’s all part of being in the working world now, I guess. It still sort of puts me on edge a little bit though.
I have lots of things that I’m working towards. I don’t know if “goals” is the word I would use, and I’ve said so in a previous post that I’m too sleepy to dig up right now, but I have lots of things that I’m working towards. I think right now, a big one that popped up is conquering my fears. It’s time to start facing up to them…
Right now, though, my goal is just to go sleep. yay~
I wonder if it’s more difficult to get used to a relationship where both people are “equal” rather than one deferring to the other. I feel like I already wrote about this before at some point, but whatever. Anyways, maybe most people are actually just more used to “normal” relations than I am. I think it has to deal with my ISFJ-type thinking of separating out the world into two neat areas, one inside my comfort bubble and the other outside of it. So for any subject that I’ve decided to be outside of my “realm”, it’s much easier to just defer and assume that I’m much “lesser”.
Even in things that -are- inside of my “domain”, though, it’s easier for me to either act like I’m superior, or inferior, I notice. I think it’s a sign of my immaturity that I can’t just push aside those two absolutes and just face up to the fact that it’s not like that. It’s something that requires you to get over the fear of being wrong or making mistakes. Ah, there’s that fear again…I keep on finding it everywhere in my life.
Somehow, the earlier I do this, the less guilty I feel about it. Probably because I know no one cares this early anyways. Do people even start thinking about Christmas before Thanksgiving? I feel like I have no idea, because my timeline is all screwed up because I have to start Christmas letters 3 months in advance. Plus, I just get excited about it every year anyways, especially when the weather starts getting colder (which it is not right now!).
The more important part of this list might actually be the Not wishlist, since I already have too many of certain things, and I know that even though it’s very easy to just go “oh, just buy anything Sanrio for Timm[ie]”, it’s actually not quite that easy because I already -have- so much stuff. So those are some important guidelines. But I know I’ve rarely had this list actually matter anyways–I didn’t actually get anything from the one last year, except maybe Kirby Mass Attack which to be honest I’m not even sure whether I own or not (sigh…too many games…well, I guess it’s more like, I have other things to do now. Wait, when did this happen, nuuuuu….).
Also, you should note that I actually get more excited about Little Twin Stars and Cinnamoroll merchandise than Hello Kitty stuff, in general ;P With Hello Kitty it’s harder to get the right “aesthetic”, too, since there’s all this really flashy and glitzy or hot pink or whatever stuff, which isn’t quite the case with some of the other characters…
Wall decorations (I have very little wall space left)
Paper star paper (I have lots)
Cute silverware/cups/plates/coasters/chopsticks/towels (I have lots)
Cute notepads/binders/folders/sticky notes/diaries/erasers (I have lots)
Hairbrushes/combs (I have lots)
Video games (I have lots, that I’ve never played)* – some exceptions below
HK clothing that’s too small (should be obvious, but I still get some of this sometimes)
Starbucks gift cards (I have lots)
Pens (I have specific ones I use)
Fragrance spray/body wash/shampoo
The Wavering of Haruhi Suzumiya
The Intrigues of Haruhi Suzumiya
The Indignation of Haruhi Suzumiya
To the Moon (Steam)
Uniball Signo 0.28mm Black refills
Uniball Signo 0.38mm Black refills
Cute stamps (for USPS mail)
Artist’s tape/drafting tape
Sanrio gift cards
Charms (I don’t think I will ever have “too many” phone charms/keychain charms)
Stationery/Envelopes/Stationery pads (same deal)
Drawing tablet of my own (borrowing one from work atm)
New earbuds (decent ones) GPS for car
Hair straightener (ceramic?)
Wreck-It Ralph DVD (pre-order)
Wreck-It Ralph Art Book
Wreck-It Ralph Merchandise
Of course, just plain money is not a problem, since I have a lot of miscellaneous stuff that I would spend it on, like plane tickets, paying off loans, etc.
And of course, more importantly, none of the materialistic stuff will make as much difference as simply you spending time with me, or sending me some warm sentiments, like a letter! Even a phone call is okay too.
I’m not sure whether I should get a Sanrio datemate this year. I’ve got one every year since 2009 I think, but I never use them anymore, so it’s kind of sad.
Edit: added drawing books, hair straightener
Edit: know I shouldn’t, but I’m adding To The Moon for now as the one game I’m interested in. Still don’t know whether I’ll have time for it, considering I haven’t even gone through Analogue: A Hate Story and a whole bunch of other narrative/VN/etc games, but isn’t emotional experience through the medium of gaming something that I really should immerse myself in?
Edit: Adding Brave and Wreck-It Ralph merchandise because omgggg Brave + Wreck-It Ralph
Edit: Hair straightener has been claimed
Edit: Earbuds have been claimed
Edit: Add FEZ, SSX
Whoa, my average letters per day went up all the way to 0.322! Ahh, if I had only 6 more letters done right now I’d be at my old glorious average of 0.325…
Well, let’s see.
This weekend, I…
- Wrote 4 Christmas letters, bringing me to 30
- Practiced Taiji for the first time in forever! Quite out of shape, but felt good anyways. Yay stretching!
- Ate bean sprouts, carrots, mushrooms, grapes, vitamins! Flossed too
- Started writing in my diary every night before bed
- Worked on a collab music song
- Chatted with friends, both via phone and online
- Walked in the rain
- Finished watching an amazing anime! (Princess Tutu), and started watching another (Ano Hana)
- Watered onee-chan’s plant
- Did a drawing
- Processed some more music, including the entirety of Harmony of a Hunter: 101% Run, which came out just recently
And now I’m finishing off by going to bed (after writing in my diary), pretty tired since I woke up before noon and didn’t take any naps. Will get a full 8 hours of sleep and then be ready to go at 8:30 AM!
Of course, there’s still some more things that I didn’t get around to. For example, though I did do a drawing, I didn’t do my weekly OHC theme-based drawing. And I still have like 5 more =non=-Christmas letters that I need to write, among others. I didn’t fix LoopMuse either, so that’s still broken on OSX. (argh) And I didn’t catch up on work from Friday.
All in all though, I think it’s pretty safe to call this a success.
Also, not going to be at FNW for Black Friday (nor am I going shopping), but if all goes well, I’ll have some new waltz variations under my belt two weeks from now, from a “secret source” (which actually isn’t as secret as it sounds). Haven’t added anything new to my vocab in -quite- some time, so that should be interesting if it ends up happening.
I know this is going to sound extremely weird coming from me, but…I need to be more open, more open-minded, and less judgmental.
Omg, so many letters I want to write! Not only are there Christmas letters, but I’m firing off letters to Kitty, and I want to write one to S, and then I also want to start doing Awesome List induction letters of some sort! I can even do backlogged ones too! Though…I don’t know if I want to do 48 of them (yes! We’re up from 46!). That’s a lot…even more than xmas letters! Maybe I can just do a certificate of some kind? Hmm…I’m not sure. Something small, yet nice, would be best.
Ahh…maybe it’s best not to do that though. I wouldn’t be able to get it to all 48 of you, nor would I even want to try, especially seeing the state that some of our bonds (non-bonds?) are in. And if I were to do something so official as that, I would want to do it right. I think in order to do that, I would have to kick some people off the list, which defeats the whole entire purpose of it in the first place.
So I guess, just a personal induction notice, would be best. Not an official thing, but just a letter to let them know, that sounds nice. It feels kind of weird to have membership at 48 now…it’s almost 50…getting really big! It partially feels a little bit worrisome, to be honest, in the same way that I don’t like having too many people on my flist on FB. But at the same time, it’s actually kind of cool too, that it’s a big list. It means that really, every single person is being remembered, even if it’s many years in the past. And that’s how I designed the list to be, really.
There is still that one instance where I had to take someone off because they never should have been on in the first place (ah yes, the infamous Cube Girl!). There is actually another person who I am thinking of taking off, because I really don’t think they should qualify…
In fact, I hate to do this so lightly, but I think I’m going to do that. Sorry! You’ve been taken off…it’s okay though, because we were never close at all, seriously. Okay…so we’re down to 47 now. Hopefully this is the last time that ever happens.
I was thinking to visit the FHS band kids, just for the heck of it, but I guess I probably missed my chance. Ah well…I wouldn’t have wanted to go there alone anyways. Would probably not be that healthy for me. But -one of these days-, I’ll go back there. And it’ll be okay. Just like seeing an old ex. I always say Band was like my first relationship anyways. I think enough time has passed that things are okay between us now. Hopefully. It might be nice to at least go back and see, how it’s doing. I don’t know if I want to really show my face that much though. It almost feels like I really shouldn’t be there anymore. I know that sounds wrong, considering how incredibly valuable I was at the time (people respected me so much…), but things are different now.
I know I never write about my OHC entries here anymore, but I seem to really be on a roll tonight, so let’s go with it. (I’m in a good mood, it seems!!!)
It’s shorter than my entries have been in the past, because I decided that I’m going to try and make more focused, more well-developed entries now. Though it’s nice to make sprawling 6-7 minute entries, I realize that so many of those really just aren’t that memorable, even though they are interesting. And it’s closer to real songwriting if I actually try to flesh out my ideas. I think I’ve gotten enough practice trying to streamline the process to achieve songwriting “flow”, so now I can go back and try to really detail things out a little more.
This is a start…people already said it sounded more well-developed and they like the direction I’m taking. However, this one still isn’t very memorable, because it isn’t really that catchy. I think it’s possible to write things that aren’t that catchy, that are still memorable, but it needs to be a certain kind of atmosphere. Otherwise, it’s better to have melody or harmony lines that are more memorable, just like The Ecstasy of Life, which is probably my most catchy melody ever created.
So, hopefully next week, I can aim even closer towards that goal, and make something that’s more memorable.