Marginalized

*spoilers for Kobato, probably*

I just watched Episode 21 of Kobato.  Now, just to let you know, Kobato is not a series for everyone…it’s not epic, it’s not super-duper-moe, it’s not really anything special (though it is CLAMP…).  But it’s not done too bad in being pretty heartwarming/touching for me, despite its flaws.

So, in this episode, Kobato stands outside of a building in the cold night rain for hours on end, waiting for this dude come out because she’s really determined to set things right.  As expected, the dude (who knows that she’s out there all along) eventually gives in and goes out to talk to her (more like plans to dismiss her and send her away, but…).  She manages to say some things that get to him, yaddayadda and then he finally explains himself properly, and (later on in the episode) goes on to make up with his ex-wife who he really loved all along blahblahblah.

After that short talk, Kobato just falls over and literally collapses onto the wet concrete floor.

And I think my heart caught in my throat for a minute there.  That moment struck me.  Because why…why…why do people have to go so far, that a poor little girl has to stand in the cold rain for hours and then collapse onto the floor before people get their freaking act together?  I felt the tears welling up…

 

It’s the same reason that I cried after I watched the Haruhi movie.  Yuki…Yuki Nagato…my half-sister, of sorts.  Works so hard, not expecting anything in turn, quiet, unnoticable, invisible, hardly even moving, suppresses her own emotions, until she finally breaks down.  Yes, of =course= I would cry after seeing that.  It’s one of the most painful things to me.

 

I know I make it easy, and I know sometimes I even =force= it.  So at least part of the blame is on me.  I’m not quite too upset right now, honest to god, but I just wanted to say, I hate being marginalized.  I hate being taken for granted.  Don’t do it.

 

When I said I was worried that maybe I had forgotten how to connect with people (actual translation: just in a bad mood so I’m pushing everyone away), oneechan said, “no, don’t say that! of course not! You try =so hard= to connect with everyone.”  So hard.  Writing letters and reaching out and everything.  I have to admit that I don’t try as hard as I used to, simply because I’m finite and I burned myself out at the rate I was going at in the past.  But, still, hearing that also meant a lot to me.

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