My onee-chan told me once that for me, friendship is something quite intense–more so than other people. I don’t have too many data points on all this, because I can only know how people interact with me, and not with other people, but I’m starting to conclude (well, maybe I had already reached this conclusion a while ago, but am now solidifying it) that yes, other people just may not do friendship the same way that I do. Further evidence: some people find it hard to understand when I explain some of my friendships, like the friendship I have with the two other angels in my life (B and Kiki). And, it’s not something that I’m totally proud about, but I think sometimes there are friends who I’m not actually that great and caring to who consider me to be very good to them. To me, that speaks of the fact that they may not have experienced friendships in the same way that I have. Another time, I was getting a hug from my onee-chan and someone later asked me what was wrong with her. I was kind of confused, but it turns out they just assumed that something was wrong because we were hugging for a while (clearly this person did not know me very well!).
Well…or maybe it’s just a guy thing. ;P Silly men…9_9
So, I guess you could say I have kind of high standards. Well, it does kind of mirror everything else in my life, you know–I’m never one to half-ass anything, and you all know that. In that case, I think my standards for a relationship would also be pretty high…I don’t think I am willing to settle for something that I am not happy with. Which is not to say that I’m incapable of compromise–just that I think I would really want to find someone special. After all, there are not very many people who even meet that bar of friendship, and what is a romantic partner worth if they aren’t even going to hit that standard?
I don’t find myself really falling head over heels for people nowadays–it’s been a long while, in fact, since the last time I fell for someone, and even during those times, it was more of a “want to be even closer friends” feeling, or at least virtually indistinguishable from one. But one wonders what would happen if that were to happen to me again. Kind of a contradiction, I guess, because the reason I don’t fall for people I only fall for their pretty hair instead anymore is partly -because- of who I am now, but still…
I think I am much more confident nowadays, but confident in a totally different way than you might think of when you think about “confidence”. I guess you could say that I am simply confident in who I am, and confident that who I am is “good” and “right”. Of course, part of who I am is a rejection of traditional confidence values anyways, which is why it’s funny.
I think I kind of look upon the whole “nice guy” trope with a little bit of humor now, because it kind of feels like I’m just…past that. Like, I’m an angel of sorts, which is on an entirely different plane than a nice guy. Not just that I’m “nicer”, but it’s just a different kind of existence.
In a totally unrelated note…I am going to start actually trying to better my pixeling skills. Progress has already been made! (gotta thank flashygoodness for tips on this one)