4 years ago when I was a little freshman, I got sick around the time of my birthday, so the showering committee in Okada decided they’d just “shower” my room with balloons (some decorated and signed!) instead.  Which was very nice of them, despite the fact that the room smelled a bit like latex/rubber the day after.  I wonder if they actually would have showered me had I not been sick.  My hypothesis is that, in fact, they would have, and that I would have kind of just taken it willingly with a nervous smile, and not really thought too much about it.

The next three years, no one at school really noticed my birthday passing, if I remember correctly, besides maybe a very few people, like Kelley.  Not even Kiki remembered my birthday, if that says anything.

But I think I got better during those three years.  I can’t remember well at all (I guess I could dig back through the logs…), but I think the only positive emotion I felt through those first 1 or 2 years out of those 3 was the bitter satisfaction of preventing all of the FB happy birthday wishers–especially the first year I did that, it felt like some twisted victory that I relished in.

That last year was probably better though, or at least I’d like to think so, because I had started to accept the kind of person I was and not really fight for something I didn’t actually want.

This year I come into things with an ever better understanding of myself and a better idea of how I can live my life the way that’s most conducive to my own character.

So I’ve gone from, in the beginning, not knowing what the heck I wanted, to later knowing what I wanted but being bitter because it wasn’t the right thing, and then later I figured out that I didn’t want the things that were placed upon me so I was okay with that, and then now I know more exactly what I want and can actually do it.

Something like that, anyways.

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