On Crying / Feeling Like A Piece Of Crap

Wow, more great reads.


Further, many individuals have reported [note: ‘reported’ solely via apocryphal/empirical evidence for the purposes of this article] that genuine sadness, the sort which plows below the troughs of disappointment and loneliness into deep and abiding pain, is tearless; individuals suffering from such severe sadness report that they ‘cannot’ cry or they ‘wish they could’ cry. Their information suggests the act of crying is somehow cathartic, then, that despite being an expression of intense emotion crying serves the purpose of alleviating that intensity, the way that calculated steam ventilation stabilizes a nuclear reactor.


It hurts that people only ask you to join them in a social event out of pity. Even if you say yes, inside you will remember that you’re vulnerable; a disadvantaged bottom-feeder taking charity. You almost enjoy yourself, until your ‘friend’ hooks arms with their partner and leaves you (they are going somewhere else, to be intimate together – without you. They don’t think about you, or care). You can’t enjoy yourself when it is clear that no one cares about you, and that you are completely alone and likely to be so for the rest of your life. Hate your ‘friend’, as you crawl back into your web. Your web where you wait for the fly to drop. It’s true: you have the belief that something good will come to you. You will get your just desserts. For some reason, that hasn’t happened yet. And you can’t understand why you seem to be whirling at full speed, and not effecting any change. Why do you have to try this hard anyway? Waking up is a challenge. Tolerating the silent harassment of everyone in the room is sufferable only in knowing you can reward yourself. Choose your vice. You have earned this. Even as it swallows you up to your neck, and there is no space left to move. When this happens, you must acknowledge that you are faced with another challenge from life : the universe won’t even allow you to indulge in your vices, your earned getaways from the grit.  You can’t stop now. Why would you? You don’t have anything else going for you.


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