Arm’s length

It’s not that hard to be my friend…

…is what I’d like to say.  But to be honest, I would only be able to say that because my standards seem to be a little higher than everyone else’s.

I live in a world where friends are “dispensable”–where people honestly, honest-to-god care about them, yet somehow fail to reach out more than an arm’s length to show it.  I was talking to someone the other night about friendships…about how you know which people are your good friends, which ones are your not-so-good friends, and which ones you should spend more time and effort on.  I didn’t say it in these words, but there’s a kind of distance that I keep away from everyone.  You can see it in my everyday life very plainly if you look–I don’t eat lunch with any of the Kimball crowd, I don’t hang around Kiki when she’s with other people, …there’s a space that’s there because I prefer to be quiet and unspoken.  So I’m more than an arm’s reach away from everyone.

…Which is no problem for me.  I’ve learned to reach out far, far, far more than a simple arm’s length.  That’s my angelic power, after all–I can shoot stars of love across space–and even time–to reach those whom I care about.  The problem is that these people aren’t able to reach back across to me.

But maybe that’s not all true.  Maybe those are just the wrong people.  After all, when I sit down in the Wilbur dining hall among the Okada kids, I feel comfortable; at home.  Why is that, anyways?  Did I just get off to a bad start with the Kimball folk?  Is it just an artifact of being uncomfortable when I see Kiki tending to others?  Are the Okada people just -better-?  I’m not sure.

But I do know that it’s the same way, regardless.  If it’s more than an arm’s length, I have to put myself there in order to be reached.  But…even so, there’s a difference.  There’s a difference in that even when I put myself within arm’s reach, some people don’t reach.

Right now, the best friends are the ones whom are willing to reach for me when I go to them.  But someday, I’ll meet someone who will be able to look a little bit farther.  Someone who will come over to my quiet and hidden corner to be with me.

Maybe I’ve already found one.

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