(for those who aren’t stanford students, primal scream is apparently this stanford tradition where people across campus break into yelling randomly at midnight every night during dead week each quarter)
I’ve written about it before. Primal Scream used to make me think of one thing and one thing only–the beheaded kamikaze men from Serious Sam. heheheh.
Okay, but nowadays it makes me think a little different. You see, it makes me think, oh, what a good way to release all that pent up emotion, all that stuff–to just let it out like that, isn’t that nice? But you see, I never partake in primal scream. No no no, I never do it. Why? Why is it that I don’t do it, even if I do have all of this pent up stuff? It would probably be healthy for me to just rage a bit, so why?
It’s because I need to have the “breaking point” in order to unleash anger like that. I daydream of “breaking point” moments a lot in my head when I’m feeling pent up anger and bitterness. It used to always be that I would think about marching band times (even after that was over) and I would think about “breaking point” moments then. For a time I would daydream about Wushu breaking point moments. A lot of the time it’s daydreaming about breaking points with my parents. But a silly Stanford tradition isn’t enough to bring me to that breaking point.
You see, my mental block is different than the average human being’s. It’s not one of a kind or anything, but it’s definitely not average. And so yes, it does take a certain amount of tension; a certain amount of buildup, before I can let things just blast away.
…but that doesn’t stop me from daydreaming about it. Maybe one of these days I’ll have a real -dream- about it, and it’ll feel nice to just rip everything, split the earth, shatter the air.