Supposed to be watching lectures but I’m a bit too emotional (not in a bad way) for that at the moment.  So I’ll spew out random nonsense instead.

Today was the first day I was in other side mode for most of the day around stanford, i think.  Well, maybe.  meh, whatever.  but it was okay.

I want to write about this dream I had last night.  I can’t remember it all, but let’s see…I remember some different segments:

I got hired for a new job.  It was the worst job ever.  There was this huge warehouse, like with ceiling unbelievably high, and there’s cubicles of some sort filling it.  And you can see people working inside them.  It’s not drab gray office color–it’s actually more colorful than that.  But the worst part is the actual job.  Apparently my job is supposed to be to think up of ideas to make engineers or actual workers work better.  I can’t remember the details, but I’m assuming this would be a bunch of bullshit.  Basically it was a job where I didn’t do anything meaningful, ever.  Ugh.  It was terrible.  You know, I actually came within a stone’s throw of being able to have one of those jobs once.  It was a terrible experience that made me want to gnaw off my own arm.

Then I’m at middle school.  I might have mistakenly thought it was high school at the time, but it was really middle school because the colors were blue and not red, and I was looking for my middle school teacher, not my high school teacher.  I was looking for her because for some reason I had neglected to do some thing or other and as a result something wasn’t valid and I had to get it all cleared up.  I don’t think my search was successful.

I was hanging out with the guys from my summer job.  Memory is reallly foggy about this one.  I think at one point we were all piled into a car and trying to decide who to drop home first.  This dream was really funny because I woke up to a phone call and it turned out to be one of those guys calling me.  Hahaha.

 

I have to be a better guardian angel.  I’m already a good one, and anyone else would probably look at what I’m doing and say that I’m doing good enough.  But you know…something about me–my standards are much higher than everyone else’s.  They really are, for a lot of things.  I don’t know that it’s just because I’m “better” than everybody else (though the arrogant part of me would just say so and be done with it).  I think it has to do with other things too.  For example, I think that people too often say things that they don’t really mean.  In that sense they’re not being “honest” or “wholehearted” with their words.  But I think that’s not just because everybody in the world sucks (though it’s -partially- because of that)–it’s also because I hardly say anything at ALL, so when I -do- say something, it’s almost =always= something that I truly mean.