Today was filled with way too many bad social situations.  It wasn’t even people being really mean or bad or anything–I just happened to have a really unlucky day socially.

The most overarching theme of the badness today is that I’m wholly incapable of putting my own needs over the needs of others.  And I’m not even talking about the people who I’m okay with–even for people whom I don’t really know, or god dammit, people whom I don’t like, I can’t seem to just assert my own needs.  GARH!  So I guess that’s my next goal.  I think I’ve actually somewhat gotten to the goal of asking for help when I need it.  I still run into situations where it’s extremely hard, but I think focusing on prioritizing my own needs over those of others will help.  I’m just not sure if that’s even possible for me anymore.  Damn…

The other trend I’m starting to notice, is one that’s already been evident in the past.  I’m such a very, very, very inwards person, and when I come into contact with people or situations that are “outwards”, I suffer.  It’s really, really evident.  And I’m not sure what the best way to deal with it is.  To hide myself?  Push back?  Try and throw up a shield?  I’m not sure yet.  I am cognizant of it though; and aware of when I need “recharge periods”.

I’d actually call it something like stress.  It’s not quite stress, but it might be described as being similar.

There was too much stress bubbling around inside of me today (I admitted it!  aren’t you all proud?), so I took a nap to “reset” myself.  My plan now is to stay up late and get stuff done to alleviate the stress.

Also, I’m pretty awesome.

Also, I had the idea of taking social dance 1 again, role-reversed, maybe in full girl-mode haha.  But not this quarter, I decided.  Perhaps next quarter; that way I could take it with BenZhen.  That would be nice ^^;


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