A possible project: typing letters to undisclosed recipients, and typing out wishes and dreams.  Perhaps this could be a step towards improving myself, ever so slightly.  I was just a little bit tempted to slap the “everyday” word here, but I thought better of it.

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Dear —,

As time passes I find myself growing ever so slightly more anxious.  I feel as if I’m not building up courage, but instead I’m attempting to ride for a fall.  To what degree that fall will happen, I do not know, but I think it is inevitable that it happens, even if it’s unnoticeable.  There are a number of things that I fear, but one painful one is that I might return to that unhealthy state that I was in so, so long ago.  It didn’t used to be a fear, but I don’t know anymore.  After all, I can only hold out for a finite amount of time–and after a while I will inevitably start to break down out of frustration.  Actually, that process has already slowly started to happen.  What will happen to me?  I don’t know.  I’m scared…

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My wish…

I wish I could be part of that world.  Yes, with all of the pains and hassles of it too.  Of course, it wouldn’t be a magical solution to my problems, but…I wish I could be part of that world.

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Hm, on second thought, there’s no way I can be as frank as I need to be in this blog, unfortunately.  Scratch this idea for now.  One might think that I could make a private blog that’s only for myself and myself alone, but somehow I find myself rejecting that idea.  Perhaps I need to start writing in my diary again…

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