Monthly Archives: July 2010

urgh….11:30 and I’m so tired–have been for the better part of the day today, actually.  To make things worse my throat is sore.  Not sure if it’s from talking with BenZhen on sunday (whatt???) or if I’m just getting sick (oh no…).  I have two birthday letters I’m supposed to be done with right now, but I think I’m just going to call it a night.  If I’m not feeling well in the morning I’ll just stay home.

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Growing up

For perhaps the first time ever, I’m feeling an ever-so-slight twinge of not wanting to grow up quite so quickly.  It’s not that time is passing by too quickly, or that I regret not doing certain things, or anything like that.  It’s just that when I think about it, growing up just means that there are going to be more (or stronger) social expectations that I’m going to have to fight against in order to be who I am.  And then there’s the problem that I’m just now deconstructing myself and that it feels as if I’m “younger” than I have been in a long time–possibly since 3 or 4 years ago.

“College isn’t the place to keep to yourself and I sure as hell don’t want to be surrounded by introverts in one of the few years of your life when you are encouraged to do crazy shit.”

No harm was meant…and none was really taken.  But I can’t resist pointing out that I would prefer being surrounded by introverts!  *laughs*

Ugh.  I really gotta stop wasting time on the intarwebs.  Between SSBM vids, random flash animations, and then somehow looking up info on Silent Hill, there definitely was a lot of time spent not being entirely productive.  Not to mention the time spent reading about Star Control 2.  Better to do these things at work than when I come home; because when I come home I only have a precious couple of hours to really do what I want.

Maybe it’s just that this whole get up, go to work, come back in the evening and -then- have free time isn’t really working out for me.  Back in high school and middle school I always needed naps after school before I could be productive at anything because I was just too worn out and tired out by school.  If I’m feeling tired after work, then perhaps I should try that.  Work hours are flexible anyways so if I need to modify my sleep habits it won’t be quite so bad.

Made a song for work today.  It flows really nicely and the atmosphere really fits what I was going for.  It was almost effortless to construct the track, to be honest.  Probably because the style that I did it in is very “easy”, but still it even surprises me a little how effortless it was.  I’ve got the rest of the summer to finish out the rest of the soundtrack to this.  I’m looking forward to it.  The actual other parts of the project are cool too–even cooler than I had initially surmised, but to be honest i’m still really psyched to be doing music.

To make a difference in someone’s life…it’s actually a very nice feeling.  Everyone needs to strive for that feeling more often.  I’m falling terribly behind on letters.  NNyyrrgh.

whee, new editor for Xanga which is more Chrome-friendly.  I’m not really a fan of how it’s so…webby.  The insert/edit link button, for example, is a weird webby popup thing as opposed to a separate window.  I don’t know why it can’t just be like posting in a standard web forum =X

Dishonesty

It scares me. It is really frightening to think about how people who act friendly to you could actually harbor a secret disdain towards you. How am I supposed to know, then, if you dislike me or not, if you treat me the same way regardless because you’re being nice? Am I supposed to keep trying? Or am I supposed to stop? It’s horrifying to think that by doing what’s “right”, what’s “admirable”, what’s “appreciated”, is actually bothersome. How am I supposed to resolve that? This isn’t the first time the thought has occurred to me, but the more I think about it the more it scares me.

Today

New inductee onto the awesome list (33 now). Wasted a whoooooole crapload of time catching up with the SSBM scene 9_9. 9:30 now and I have three things left to do. GRE, taiji fan, and letter. Will I be able to get through all three…?