Monthly Archives: May 2010

hmm.

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どうして…どうしよう…

today’s wallpaper update dedicated to Ushio Okazaki. She understands what I feel like.

In differential geometry, the second fundamental form (or shape tensor) is a quadratic form on the tangent plane of a smooth surface in the three dimensional Euclidean space, usually denoted by II (read “two”). Together with the first fundamental form, it serves to define extrinsic invariants of the surface, its principal curvatures. More generally, such a quadratic form is defined for a smooth hypersurface in a Riemannian manifold and a smooth choice of the unit normal vector at each point.

*death*

If people can talk about TV over the dinner table, there’s no reason they shouldn’t be able to talk about video games instead! It’s only fair–after all, even if you don’t play video games, you have to keep in mind that I don’t watch TV.

yeah, really not liking this whole busy thing. i guess the first thing i should strive for is to keep up with things, but the second most important thing is to keep up with sleep.

anyways, random:

typing “CS” in my url bar gets you autocompleted to cs181ro.blogspot.com.

i realized that CS164 has no actual final. but we have a midterm on wednesday (wtf?). So in essence I have my first final in two days. hahahahaha.

One of the reasons I’m so passive and always repress everything inside of me is because I learned from an early age that it just wasn’t worth it to try and express my own will. I grew up with two people: my brother, who did whatever he wanted with me since he was 9 years older, and my mom, where everything I said somehow lead to something bad, and arguing in any form just wasn’t worth the trouble at -all-.

Also, is it really that hard to reserve judgment on people? Or even if you do judge people, do you really have to go out and express it? Really? Everyone has their own story; can’t we entitle everyone to a little bit of respect, even if in passing? That’s always one of the problems with “those” kinds of girls…it’s not really that they judge people, but they assume it’s alright to share that judgment with others around them. Is it that necessary to defend yourself by belittling someone else, and getting other people to listen to your side? It boggles my mind sometimes. Of course, that’s not to say that the way I do things doesn’t have problems…

But that’s not the worst of it. The worst of it is when someone complains about someone else, and then other people hop on the bandwagon, despite not knowing anything about that person, simply because the first person was their friend/etc. I mean, it’s one thing to try and sympathize and support a friend who is clearly in some sort of moral distress or guilt, but it’s another thing to look down upon someone whom you’ve never even seen or met! Just because they did something that hurt a nice person, doesn’t mean they’re some sort of evil villain…

It’s similar to false compliments. If someone does something or achieves something and you’re totally ignorant about what that actually entails, don’t try and pretend that you have any sort of idea. It’s just fake, and in extreme cases, it’s downright offensive. Of course, it’s all a spectrum. If you see me playing TGM and you’re like “wow that looks really hard…”, or “it looks like that takes a lot of practice; how long have you been playing?”, that’s one thing. But it’s another thing entirely if you’re like “OMG you must be the best tetris player EVAR” while I proceed to play one of my worst games ever (but of course you’re clueless, because you have no idea what this game is really about or how well I normally perform).

To sum it up, be genuine and don’t be a sheep.

Busy

I guess you could say that I’m officially busy. Some mixture of classwork, activities, etc etc. is really getting to me these past couple of weeks, and coming weeks. Seems like I’m not alone either–EVERYONE is busy.

This isn’t the first time I’ve been this way. It happens every so often. It used to be more standard back during say…senior year of high school. But I wouldn’t say it’s normal. And one thing I’ve learned is that I really am not too fond of it. Sure, it does keep my mind off of certain depressing thoughts, but it’s really unnerving to not have enough time for things–not to mention it’s unhealthy to get even 1 or 2 hours less sleep on average.

The most dangerous thing about being busy–and perhaps THE dangerous thing about being busy–is that it takes a lot more effort to keep up with things. Now, this isn’t unequivocally true…for example, when you’re totally NOT busy it still takes effort to keep up with some things. And also, there are some things which it’s just naturally easier to keep up with them even when you are busy. Like blogging. (for me, at least)

But there’s a lot of things which just slip through the cracks, and to me that’s probably one of the primary dangers of being busy. There are some others, like the whole stress thing, but this is the one I’m focusing on. To counteract that I just played a little bit of the Kanon VN. I guess when I’m extra busy I need to counteract it by making an extra effort to keep up with those things that I’m supposed to be doing. So I’ll try to do that.

Somehow I’m finding myself kind of disliking ayu in the kanon vn. I think she’s just somehow a lot cuter in the anime; probably because of her hair. I’m not sure how much I’m liking Makoto either, actually–but then again, I guess I only really start liking Makoto after she stops being really mean.

The other dangerous thing is that being this busy hinders my ability to interact with other people. It’s always ironic because on the other hand, last quarter was the opposite when I had too much energy to throw around on other people. argh.

Oops. One point I was going to try and make, but didn’t, was that during these busy times I never feel like it’s impossible to keep up with everything. It just takes more effort. That may not make logical sense, but somehow that’s always the way it’s seemed to me. Despite there only being 24 hours in a day, somehow if I try really hard I can still keep up with things, even if I have a whole crapload of stuff weighing me down. I don’t really know how it works, to be honest, but that’s definitely what I’ve found to be true. So it’s important to try your best during these times, and to not let things go. It’s a delicate balance between prioritizing (“I really shouldn’t go to class; I have no time”) and staying committed (“I know I’m busy but I should still head out to dinner with friends anyways”).