Monthly Archives: March 2010


Responses I’ve heard:
“This is the most sickening thing I have ever heard of in my life.”
“this is gross. how perverted would you have to be to actually play this game?”
“This is disgusting. I feel like this is basically encouraging sexual violence even if it’s just some stupid video game. When I have children, I’m monitoring ALL of their online activities!”

Okay, okay. So what was my first response? My first thought was, oh man…it’s a media story…a -mainstream- media story…and about video games! It’s GOTTA be faulty, or wrong, or stupid, in SOME way. And then I see everyone start to hop on the bandwagon and go “oh god this is horrible” and this is yet another warning sign–mainstream popular opinion does not tend to sit well with me, since it’s too easy to say something out of something like peer pressure as opposed to actually knowing what you’re talking about (not that that’s necessarily what’s happening).

One of my other initial thoughts was, huh…okay, a game that lets you act out something horrible. Haven’t I heard that somewhere before??? So I thought about Super Columbine Massacre RPG. But then realized that SCMRPG was probably more thought-provoking and meant to send some messages to people, rather than RapeLay which is not really meant to make a bold statement. It might probably be able to do a rape game like that, sending some message, but looking briefly at the description of RapeLay, that’s definitely not what it is.

Which brings us to the next thing…the fact that this is…nothing new…at all…whatsoever. Okay, okay, I guess the whole Japan legislation debate involving this sort of thing is -sort of- recent, so that’s valid. But really?
“People here obviously know very little about Japanese H-Games. Rape games have been around for well over a decade in Japan. This is not some new phenomenon. There are probably thousands of them out there given how quickly the H-game industry pushes out titles in Japan. This article is a decade too late.”

And that pretty much sums up what’s wrong with the article. DURRRRR.

Okay, but even if we get past the slightly disappointing fact that the media brings up some really old thing and everyone is like “ZOMG!”, there is still the underlying issue of whether to support or defend these games.

We obviously already know what popular opinion dictates “ZOMG BAN!”, but again, that immediately pushes me to look for something to push back with. I guess I really really don’t like mainstream opinions. -_- It’s actually a really strong urge that I have sometimes, to rebel against societal norms. It’s somewhat frightening to think about it, actually–I think it keeps me from liking Pixar movies as much, for example, or it makes me more sympathetic towards Twilight…things like that.

Okay, so what is there in defense of these games? There’s gotta be something right? After all, this seems suspiciously familiar to “ZOMG Grand Theft Auto lets you kill people! BADDDD”, and “ZOMG WoW is addictive! BADDDD”

On the one hand, there’s the escapism argument:
“In my mind the issue is simple. People have fetishes and they need to be satisfied. Would you rather they satisfy their fetish on a computer game or should we ban it and risk them satisfying their fetish on real people?”
“Apparently the argument is that these games promote rape in real life.
Japan has had comics and games like this for ages. Yet the per capita rate of rape in the US is 16 times higher than in Japan! So censoring them seems counter productive, even if you are not a fan of freedom.”
and my favorite:
“Japan has pretty high suicide rates too. Clearly playing video games featuring rape leads to suicide.”
…but there’s not really much I can say there. You either agree or disagree.

Looking at it from another view, there’s the “what’s the big deal/this is hypocritical” argument (which goes along with the “wow this is old news” point):
“So anyone can go on a imaginary rampage and do whatever they want in pretty much any game, killing hundreds if not thousands of imaginary people doing much more damage than imaginable, but when a game is based on rape, then everyone goes bat-**** crazy? Honestly, what is wrong with society?”

But there’s also the free speech argument (let people say whatever they want, and if you don’t like it then don’t listen). And the too-hard-to-ban-anyways argument (people will do what they want anyways, so banning these things won’t do anything). And I think both of these are valid; though with the first one you can’t go TOO far because past a certain point you get into things that you can’t just sit around with.

That’s not saying anything about the ironic point that this 10-year-old game will suddenly see a massive surge in popularity by a “new” article that says it’s bad. hehe.

I think at the end of the day, the only thing I can say is that it’s disturbing to see so many knee-jerk responses to something without truly trying to understand it. But I suppose that’s what popular opinion means anyways. Regarding the -actual- Japan legislation issue (which is really, the only issue worth -actually- thinking about), I have no idea where to stand; as I clearly don’t know enough about the issue at all (I don’t even know what to call it!). But it is disappointing.

Bringing this into the scope of the omg nazi badstuff lololol realm (ugh), we reach an interesting point, because on the one hand if there is something terrible happening, then some might have it as an ethical responsibility to speak out against it, no? Okay, but on the other hand, isn’t it also scary that we can speak out against something “terrible” so readily without really pausing to give it some sort of benefit of the doubt? Isn’t this how people used to feel about Homosexuality (ZOMG BAD)? Hmm…

No time to write a really long blog post; I need to go to bed! Class at 9:30AM tomorrow…

first day of class, and I felt almost as if I was back in high school again, for a moment. The weather was BEAUTIFUL; I really feel energized by overcast weather…sunny weather just makes me miserable. Social dance was fun; it’s nice to have a class where you’re actually encouraged to interact with others for once. And I had a pleasant surprise later in the evening as well.

Things are kind of really busy; but I think off to a good start. Actually, those two might be somewhat related. Perhaps the secret is to fill my life chock full of stuff…then there won’t be quite as much of an imbalance in terms of how much free time I have to spend on friends; and there won’t be as much empty time for me to think about lonely thoughts.


(thank goodness I did a quick ctrl+a, ctrl+c before trying to post this; almost lost it all!)

Quick (?) blog post before I go to bed. Yeah, that’s right; I’m going to try and go to bed not too late again. Whoooo~

I finally got around to getting farther in Kanon this break (hooray!) and I’m realizing that I really only liked Ayu in the Kanon 2006 anime version. I mean she’s still alright, but she just doesn’t look right.


Ayu from Kanon (2002)

Ayu from VN

Ayu from Kanon (2006)

Of course, Ayu from Kanon 2002 is just kind of ehh because everything in Kanon 2002 was kind of ehhh…(though I really enjoyed it still!) But somehow her look in the VN doesn’t match her look in the anime, which is really weird since usually it’s the other way around. I guess that just shows how much I like the KyoAni style, I guess. It really just has to do with her hair, I think; it’s less “strandy” in the 2006 version.

Of course, young Ayu beats them all regardless because she has longer hair:

So I have this “ideal” that I talk about sometimes, and a lot of my girl side really stems from this ideal, but I’m not quite sure if there’s an anime character which really encapsulates it fully. Let’s go over some notable anime characters in my life:

Fate has the talent that I do, and the silent determination and loyalty to friends. But she really doesn’t have any of the moe cuteness (though she’s still cute, of course!).

I think the same goes for Nanoha.

And Hayate has short hair.

Kirby is cute, and multitalented, but…a boy, and not complex enough in terms of emotions and feelings. Plus he can eat a whole lot.

Sasami might be close, actually. She’s really sweet and selfless, and gets taken for granted sometimes.

Nagisa might be close too; she’s very fragile and vulnerable and doesn’t want to be a burden on anyone. But…she has short hair.

Sanae has the hair *gah*, but I’m not really a motherly figure.

Nayuki might actually be very close; she has the hair -and- the cuteness. I think her personality might match somewhat. She’s slightly too whiny though, and a tad not bouncy enough.

Makoto doesn’t match. She’s too mean!

And Ayu is too whiny!

Setsumi probably represents a very introverted part of me, but she doesn’t have the moe bubbly cuteness.

Saga is too organized and on top of things; and not girly-cutesy enough. And she’s better at the piano than I am xD

Misuzu…I never liked Misuzu -that- much to be honest (though when I watched the Air Movie (which was kind of disappointing), I did find her to be pretty cute, actually). And she has much different problems than I do. Also she asks to get her hair cut. *WAT*

Sakura…has short hair.

Chii…doesn’t fit; she’s not cutesy enough, and totally the wrong kind of cute.

Ryou reminds me of Nagisa; in fact it’s hard for me to really set them apart in terms of personality. She has short hair though.

Miyako has the whole phone scene thing; but she tries to be very light-hearted and joking about it, which is not what I would do at all.

Shana is too mean…

Same with Hinagiku if I remember correctly. Too extraverted in a way.

Himeka, haha~ I do like to feel like her sometimes; in fact I think to myself in her voice sometimes, but no; she doesn’t fit…

Tsukasa is…kind of very much like Ryou. They even have the same hair, ehhhhh? but it’s short.

Kagami is…too angsty in an outward way (i don’t know how to say that succinctly).

And Konata is too much of a jokester ^^ Though I guess that does capture my sarcastic side perhaps.

Mikan is…the same as Tsukasa, Ryou, and Nagisa >_<

Shia is kind of like Himeka…but she has short hair.

Okay, so no one really fits perfectly, as I expected. But there are definitely those who manage to capture some parts of my ideal very well!

I worked on coding a bunch today, hooray! And, scanned a bunch of old photos; ugh, I have a lot more to do. Don’t know if I can finish before I head back to stanford. oh well.

Overall this break was…successful. Though it wouldn’t have been if I didn’t workworkwork hard today, so that’s great that I managed to get that accomplished.

I’ve had thoughts about starting another writing project. Gah, I have so much stuff going on in my life, how DO I manage to keep up with it all? I guess I’m pretty damn amazing…(got that right…)

I still gotta process that week’s worth of data from when I logged the time it took me to do everything. I’ll get around to it; I promise!

New background – The Place I Belong

Sorry, I keep trying to pick wallpapers that are representative of my current state in life. It’s getting hard; I’m running out of “I’m lonely and looking for love”-themed papers. I guess next time I’ll just go back to more bubbly cute ones. Or perhaps I’ll go for a “I’m me and I’m awesome (b^^)b” theme. Again, sort of a One Girl in All the World/All the World in One Girl thing. (see my post on that for an explanation of that one)

Anyhoo, this one is from Shakugan no Shana. The caption is, “One day I will find…the place I belong”

Someday I -will- find that place. I’m a lot closer, and I’ve experienced some of what that place might look and feel like, but I definitely haven’t found it yet. I deserve better than this, so why settle for things as they are now? No…I will be content, but I will keep looking for something more.

It must be out there somewhere. It -has- to be. How do I know? Well…I don’t. I simply believe.

Also, I’ve noticed that I’m tending to use semicolons a lot in typed text nowadays for some reason. It’s like my new replacement for long dashes. o_o

Norcal Tetris Meet 2

Hooray! Today was the second norcal tetris meet, and although the turnout was slightly less than expected (it was basically me + SJSU CS club xD), it was still great fun! As an added bonus, this week is the annual Carnival of Death, a weeklong celebration of “Death Mode” (my favorite TGM mode), so we played a whole bunch of death, which was awesome.

Kitaru captured streams of a bunch of the action and put them up; I’m linking them here.
-TGM1 vs tourney. I lost to Ray in my first round (not that surprisingly; i’m really unconfident about vs modes in general), then beat a non-TC guy in the loser’s bracket, but surprisingly I actually ended up beating Kitaru in finals o_o Though I guess afterwards he beat me. Then we did a little bit of 20G versus which was a lot more relaxed for me since I always always play death mode ^^;
-some random TGM1 playing while I was doing other stuff. I think I was playing Tetris Attack vs mode with Sean (i think? i forget since i wasn’t properly introduced and i’m terrible with names anyways), and he kept on dying because he couldn’t match 3 to clear my garbage quick enough. Which, ironically, is something I have a great deal of trouble with, but usually I don’t worry about it because I’m too busy chaining stuff instead =P
-Then Kitaru set up his insane funfun ridiculous 4P COOP tetris game with the PS2 multitap. What ensued was sheer epic madness. If you start watching at 2:23:14 and keep going for a few minutes, Kitaru pulls off a T-spin triple amongst all the madness, which was EPIC.
-And here’s a crapload of death mode. For the majority (like at least 90%) of this I’m on the left and Kitaru is on the right. Good times. We both had a crapload of crappy runs, but we also had some good things happen too. Starting at 41:19 I get to 500 for the first time this Carnival, and my time was 3:27.71, which is only 2.71 seconds away from M rank!!! I got my M rank in Texmaster (with keyboard) by manual locking through 300-400, but I think it’s probably safer if I don’t try that; especially since I’m not quite as comfortable with stick (I’m getting a lot better, but I still can’t do fancy things like double-taps as easily). So just focus on going through 0-300 a little faster and then stacking cleanly.

All in all, a really fun day filled with…tetris tetris tetris xD. I didn’t play as much keyblox as I wanted to; I’ll practice it a little more soon (new version will be out soon, btw =D).

After that I had dinner and…was pretty damn tired, especially from helping the CS club lug some of kitaru’s stuff around. So at like 10:30-10:45 or so I actually decided to call it a night O_O. Crazy, I know…but I didn’t really have anything that I needed to do at that moment and I really -was- feeling tired. I always hate going to bed at that hour because it feels like I still have so much more stuff that I could/should/want to do, but I figured I’d wake up early at like 7:30 or something and work then. Of course, I ended up waking up in the middle of the night at like 4:45AM because of delayed onset muscle soreness (or something like that; i was x_x for a little bit before i took some advil), so the plan didn’t exactly end up working out as well as I’d hoped. Not sure how much longer I’ll stay up; I should probably try to head back to bed, but I want to take care of one or two more little things before that, at least.


Well, I decided to enter the weekly One Hour Compo hosted at Overclocked ReMix/ThaSauce this week. And I’m really glad I did!

Here’s what I came up with.

And it only took one hour! Amazing, isn’t it? The idea actually came together very, very easily. I had the idea for the intro almost immediately after I saw that the theme was “War”. From there I threw down the bassline really quickly (and it totally worked!). Then came drums (which also worked!), then the pads, and finally the lead synth. It’s not perfect and everything, but hot damn, for one hour’s worth of work, this is DAMN GOOD! =P My only real regret is that I couldn’t find a great way to fill in the space at 0:32. I wanted to have some kind of special effect, but couldn’t really find anything that fit; so I just left the dramatic pause in there instead. *shrug*

Afterwards we all sat down in IRC and had a listening party where we went through everyone’s songs (though unfortunately I had to leave partway through). Some of them were brilliant, and some of them were OMGLOLZ funny. You can check them out if you have time.

This is definitely something I’ll keep doing in the future.




for those of you who are screaming in confusion:

“I Wanna Be the Guy: The Movie: The Game” (IWBTG) is one of my favorite and most beloved video games of all time. I like difficult games, and boy…IWBTG assaults you with difficulty stacked on top of difficulty on top of difficulty and manages to tie it together in a skillful, humorous way that is simply =brilliant= in execution. Never before has an action-platformer made constant dying-respawning-tryingagain so god damn fun and addicting. I even have three IWBTG t-shirts that I ordered online.

And now I discover that there is essentially a sequel. holy crap.

I’m afraid to start playing it. It’s going to be SO good; i’m afraid to spoil it.

Meaningful dreams

I kind of like it when I have somewhat meaningful dreams.

So in this one, I was trying to find the answer to some problem, for some kind of class or something. It was actually a prediction problem, which changes things slightly, but not that much in the grand scheme of things.

Anyhow, I was trying to figure out what the answer was, but couldn’t decide between two choices. So I put down one of the choices. Shortly after, though, some teacher or adult figure or somebody (I think it was someone I recognized, but I don’t know who) talked to me and asked me what I put down. I explained how I put down [A], but it could probably be [B] instead. She said, you know what? Just put them both down…

My first reaction was, “But that’s cheating!”

She said that yeah, it was kind of cheating, but……..

…well, she did have a point.