Monthly Archives: January 2007

Say hi to the weeworld incarnation of ikkitikkilikki!


So much to experience in life…how do I decide what to do?

For all of you whom I haven’t written to (you know who you are), I apologize…it’s probably the one thing out of the multitude of things in my life that i’m being really bad at right now.  The whole trying to write 10 letters at a time thing was so not a good idea…

small spurts…i work best in small spurts…

on another note, I’m oh-so-glad i’m not center snare.  Yeah, it would have been cool, butttttt….well, it makes this more like sophomore year MB.  and that season was good.  too good for words.

now I can just concentrate on being a section leader–which is something i’m not only good at, but something that I like doing.

I hate a lot of people in the world…
out of all the people you’ve met and seen, how many of them do you appreciate?
my answer would probably be less than 50.  definitely a bit more than 30 or so, but not that much more.
The question is, would I rather have it any other way?  Would my friends be nearly as special if it weren’t for the fact that they stand out from the rest of the world?

In audio production (i’m talking mainly about the workstation I use, FL Studio), there’s something that I like to call “VST overload syndrome”.  VSTs are external effect plugins–they can either be generators (i.e. synths that make sound) or effects (i.e. things that process sounds and change them up).  I get the feeling I just lost pretty much everyone except for Kenneth with that, but eh, he’s the biggest reader of this anyways, so….suck dirt.
Anyhoo, there are a lot of VSTs out there.  Some of them are good.  Some of them are really bad.  Most of them are usable but not really anything special.  Then some of them are pretty fantastic once you get to know them.
VST overload happens when you go on a VST download frenzy and grab like 50 VST plugins and install them all.  Having more choices can lead to more options for creativity, but what often happens is that you end up having a bunch of things that you don’t really know how to use well, and that you aren’t familiar with.  Whereas, maybe if you had downloaded those same 50 plugins in batches of 4, you might be able to go through them and decide–“ok, this one is really great for bass sounds, i’m going to experiment with this one…eh, this other one is pretty much outclassed by everything else….this one isn’t that special, so i’ll just dump it…”

I’m planning to try and pick up using Reason sometime in the near future.  One of the major disadvantages of Reason that people have pointed out is that there’s no support for VSTs–you’re pretty much stuck with what comes in the package (you can download additional sample packs and whatnot, but as far as synths go you’ve only got a few to work with).  The thing is–most, if not all, of the modules that it gives you to work with are supposed to be really usable and versatile.  Which essentially solves the problem of having too many mediocre VSTs to choose from.

It feels bad to grow more distant from some friends while–no…=because= you grow closer to others.  Yet it’s only natural to want to grow closer to certain people.  Could it be that I’m so selective of my close friends because of that fact?  Because I’d rather just not have to reject all the rest of my acquaintances?  Probably not.  I’m guessing it’s more of a consequence than a cause.

Do you ever wonder how close you really are to someone?  How are you supposed to know?  You might know that I idolize Parisha, but I know that I’m not the most important person in her life (or at least, I’d be pretty shocked if I found out that I was).  These kinds of dynamics are very subtle…it’s not like when we were little and “ooooh Sarah and I are BESSSTTTT friendssssss”.  Often times there’s hardly any indication of how we feel toward each other as friends, especially before it gets to the “I can hug you comfortably” point.  You only really get to know how you yourself feel (if even that).

I can count the number of real friends I have left at Fremont on my fingers.  There’s only like 5 of them, about.
One of them is Ms. Lee…(sorry Kenneth)

Today’s entry is copy+pasted from my Stanford application.  I bet my mom would disapprove of me “revealing my secrets”, but hey, I wrote something interesting and insightful and I want to share.
5 Hammersmith points to whoever can guess the author of the quote…

4b. As you reflect on your life thus far, what has someone
said, written or expressed in some fashion that is especially meaningful to
you? Why?

(4900 chars)

It’s said that actions speak louder than words, but
sometimes the most memorable moments in life consist not of stunning
performances and first-place victories, but instead simple powerful words that
strike meaning deep inside your heart and soul.  The quote I’ve selected seems all but epiphanic at first;
however, it comes remarkably close to capturing my outlook on life in words:
“Keep smiling, and make beautiful music with your life!”

“Keep smiling”–simple, optimistic advice, but
you’d be surprised at how it’s been able to carry me through tough times.  As the head drum major of my high school
marching band, the 100 band members that I have to lead and direct will
agree–there is no one with a tougher job. 
The responsibility that is put on my shoulders and the pressure put on me
by my peers, my band director, and myself can be overwhelming.  All too often a normal rehearsal will turn
into a disaster, where no one is focused, the music falls apart, my band
director is yelling, and everyone starts to blame each other.  At times like these, I feel like I want to
throw up my arms and walk away.  It
seems silly, but a simple smile and a change of attitude have saved me from
many of my darkest moments.  Whenever I
feel like giving up and throwing it all away, I simply smile, take a deep
breath, and look forward.  “One bad
rehearsal isn’t the end of the world,” I tell myself.  “The important thing is that it doesn’t
happen again.”  The key to my
success, not just as a drum major, but as a person, has been the fact that I
take my failures and imperfections for what they really are–opportunities for
me to grow and improve.  It doesn’t pay
to dwell on past failures when you could be focusing on future successes, and
no one likes being upset, so why do it? 
Yes, I may be oversimplifying things, but having an optimistic attitude
towards life can be genuinely rewarding.

In fact, it’s the optimism that I’ve gained because I’ve
“kept smiling” that has helped me break out of the shell of timidity
I had coming into high school.  As a
quiet and generally shy person, I used to consider myself anti-social.  Everyone in school seemed to know me as
“that one smart guy,” but I never felt like I had any real friends–I
sat inside classrooms studying at lunchtime, always wondering in the back of my
mind what I might be missing out on.  It
wasn’t until I started letting my happiness shine outward that stopped being a
social recluse and started learning what friendship really means.  I realize now that relationships don’t
spring out of thin air–they develop over time, and a simple smile or wave can
go a long way towards making a new friend. 
In this way, my optimistic attitude, more than anything else, has helped
me feel like I belong at my high school.

However, there comes a point in life when one must move on
from what is familiar and explore the great unknown.  I’ve always known that I would someday outgrow high school, but
I’ve also always wondered what I should do with my future.  I’m sure you know what I’m talking
about–the standard pre-college identity crisis.  This is where the second part of the quote comes in: “make
beautiful music with your life!”

I must add that both the author of the quote and I are
devoted musicians, and neither of us could imagine our lives without
music.  It has always been central to my
life in some form, from the life-changing experience of marching band to being
the one medium where I find I can express my creativity.  And who can contest the emotional power of
music–its inexplicable power to make us laugh, cry, and dance?

Taking this into account, it’s only natural that I’ve
decided to dedicate my life to creating music…but that doesn’t mean that I’m
going to become a composer.  I know that
the word “musical” doesn’t usually come to mind when considering
differential calculus and integrated circuit design, but to me, anything that
is beautiful can, in a way, be considered “music.”  I’ve always been an analytical thinker at
heart–that feeling that you get when you listen to a favorite song is the same
one I get after finishing an elegant proof. 
And after taking my first few college-level calculus courses, I
literally couldn’t get math off of my mind. 
It was like I had a catchy song stuck in my head–I was excited, and I
wanted more.

Although I can’t say for sure what the future holds in store
for me, I realized after reflecting on this quote that as long as I do
something I enjoy–something that is beautiful in its own way–I will be
satisfied with my life.  And although
others might groan at the very mention of the words “math” or
“science experiment,” to me, the complex nature of fractals…the
simple elegance of Newtonian physics…all of it is music to my ears.

not much to say today.  I took a nap.  *yawn*

I do hope I get to see Kristina tomorrow, though.

oh, well actually there is that one thing; i went to a math competition in the morning.  pretty good contest–this time there weren’t any stupid questions like that one O T T F F S S E N T one that popped up 2 years ago, which is totally not a math problem at all.  I answered 18 out of 20 and predicted I would get around 15 out of 20, which is actually exactly what i ended up getting–according to Newton, who, unlike me, stayed for awards.  15 got me 3rd place overall, which isn’t too shabby at all…especially when you consider that a good number of these other people actually study for these things…or at least, i think they do.

the resaon I didn’t stay for awards, of course, is because i had WP practice to get to.  WP isn’t going half bad–we’re dirty as hell, but that’ll get fixed… scarf and my layers are like padding beneath the harness…we can play pretty much the entire opener now…though like i said, it’s sooo dirty…oh, and i’m envisioning that K won’t really be stopping in too often because of his whole new attitude problem.  shit man, that guy needs to get over himself…
sometimes I look at adults and wonder if they ever really did finish high school or not.

haha…so you know how i’m always hating on high school students for sucking dirt…especially in my Chinese I class full of freshmen and sophomores? (oh man, i hate you people….except Chelsea you’re okay)
I just noticed that I’m rather discontented with the people in my Foothill calc class too….granted, Foothill isn’t exactly ivy league, but still–more people show up late to this class than in high school…they’re just as bad as high school students at understanding everything (which isn’t helped by the fact that the teacher, while he’s generally very decent, isn’t always correct…and i’m not going to correct him most of the time because i’m not paying attention most of the time….yay gov study time!)…we’ve got more cell phone rings than we’ve had in all of my high school classes combined…

i wonder what -my- college classes will be like.  i’m assuming not like these.  hahaha…sucks dirt!

in other news…elizabeth told me today not to let one thing “color everything else”….an expression i’ll have to remember…
I don’t think i’ve let it do that (yet?)…but she’s right–i don’t think i want to go there (again).

instead i’m going to study gov.  which surprisingly enough, isn’t that bad of a class…

this was a comment on Tyson’s xanga that i thought sounded introspective enough to like it.

try to focus less on the race, and more on the pace.  If you start out
by expending all of your energy, you won’t be able to finish the race. 
The course is long, and there are many detours along the way.  As long
as you learn from them and take the time to enjoy the scenery, you will
go far and certainly reach the finish line.  Your “pursuit of
happiness” is a marvelous journey that’s just beginning.  The “real
world” welcomes you with open arms.  You have the strength, the will
and the fortitude to ensure success and you have a legion of loyal
friends and family who will help you and encourage you along the way. 
I have no doubt whatsoever, that your goals and your dreams will be
attained.  Hang on to those dreams and when you go to sleep at night,
think of all you have accomplished thus far.  When you think about it,
it is truly remarkable.  Enjoy your journey my friend.”
Posted 1/18/2007 1:51 AM by CareyGLY