how am I supposed to know when to be unhappy?
for the past….well actually, since the beginning of senior year, and even before, i’ve been happy with my life. I’ve always found things to complain about, because…well, there’s always things to complain about (people who live in mansions and have everything at their fingertips still complain–but instead of complaining about normal things, they complain about tennis elbow and about their personal maids)…but i’ve never actually gotten upset. I’ve goten pissed off, and “man i -hate- you guys…i’m not even kidding this time…” but not really truly unhappy.
Part of the resaon i’ve been so happy is just because things have been so good, -but- a big part of it is actually just the fact that I don’t let anything bother me anymore. It’s not like I don’t care, i’m just not bothered. It’s rather cool actually. It’s this system that me and my mind have kind of (not really) worked out…
but i was thinking about it today, and if i never let myself really get bothered–if i simply complain but never actually get upset–
how am i supposed to know when to stop taking it…how am i supposed to know when enough is enough?
or should i just go on being “happy” no matter what?
note that even though i’m using “happy” in quotes here, that doesn’t mean to say that the happiness i have is -fake-. on the contrary, i have a lot of resaons to be happy. its just that sometimes i’m happy, whereas i’m sure other people, when put into my shoes, would most certainly not be happy. I wouldn’t really call it forced happiness (omg forced enthusiasm!), since…well it’s something that i consciously want, but maybe it’s not exactly natural either. it’s weird. i’m weird!
maybe, if i’m supposed to be unhappy, one of you guys tell me so…
hah, that always works…when you dont know how to feel, just ask someone else!
in other news, i seriously need to catch up on my sleep. I can function just fine as is, but i can’t go into insomnia mode (i.e. i can’t do 3 hours of sleep) right now–i’ve tried recently and it hasn’t been working. and this is a bad thing. i need that buffer in case i ever need to pull something crazy. soo uhm…sleep is good.