first off, Belinda (Hu)’s entries in my 2005 yearbook were the best! hahahaha…
secondly, and more importantly, this night i took the time to write up and ending and finish off the Cumulative Story. I know you’ve all been waiting for this, so without further ado, i present to you…
The Wrath of
Once upon a
time, there was a girl who smelled “hawt” and her name was
ikkitikkilikki. She wore sweet perfume
from Victoria’s Secret, called “Love Sauce” which only she thought
smelled “hawt”, a sickeningly sweet, expired mayonnaise smell. So as she was walking down the street one
day, she met a guy named Timm[ie] who looked really extremely smart because in
the instant she saw him he solved a Rubik’s Cube in his long fingers and
derived the quadratic formula at the same time! Such a cool person! She
screeched and sprayed more “Love Sauce” on herself. Suddenly some got in her eyes and she
started to flap her arms like a chicken.
Timm[ie] thought she was weird but pulled out his flute and started
playing the chicken dance song!
Everyone in the street stopped and started doing the chicken dance
’cause it sounded cool. Then it became
a party! Little Johnny and Sweet Sue
went to the party, but Mr. Bubbles was stuck at home cleaning dishes. He wanted to go to the party but just had
too many chores! Then Tangent Man, Lord
Omnipotent of the Literary World, distracted us from Timm[ie] with a completely
difference set of characters. Little
did they know, however, that aliens were on the approach.
three ninjas erupted into flames. Those
three ninjas were jellyfish in disguise, and they were RENEGADE ninjas, in
trouble for hitting a cow—which is absolutely sacred. Thus, the running. Well,
ikkitikkiiikki pulled out her bottle of “hawt ‘Love Sauce'” and
sprayed the ninjas until they were soaked.
The ninjas melted like the wicked witch of the west. Timm[ie] smiled.
had saved the party! But little did
Timm[ie] know…ikikikiki was actually the goddess of long beautiful hair! She revealed herself with some words…and a
long powder pink gown which resembled the gown worn by Glinda the Good Witch
whose name used to be Galinda, but now it’s Fuzzy Camel-Dinosaur…that eats
little Usagies (bunnies). umm…and it
runs around peeing on things.
after disposing of the three renegade jellyfish ninjas in disguise,
ikkitikkilikki, the goddess of long beautiful hair, turned to Timm[ie] and
proclaimed how much she…didn’t know him, but she definitely wanted to get to
know this Timm[ie] boy, whoever he was.
They decided to make a movie starring Dr. Evil, Superman, Spiderman, and
the sexay Orlando Bloom!
giant ball of duct tape fell from the sky and everything was stuck to it. Fortunately, ikikikiki had her “Love
Sauce” and sprayed it everywhere.
Then…a family of African Americans along with a group of Pokémon and
Digimon started battling for the planet!
Ikikikiki joined the clashing factions throwing custom fabricated
“Love Sauce” grenades. Love
Sauce filled the streets. The
aftermath: the population of the universe was completely drenched in the Love
Sauce. The end was near. All the movie stars dissolved in the Love
Sauce. The attempt was futile. Nobody could defeat the power of Love
Sauce. Thus, the Io Squad 2 set out to
put down the lady whose name we cannot say.
Timm[ie] danced around a Rubik’s Cube and TI-89. He smiled and cackled maliciously, despite his non-malicious
nature. Then they all realized this
world sucked anyway and took off to discover something new…and forgot their
pink towels, so instead they…decided to go pick on little people. Unfortunately, the first short person they
saw was Susan, and they started throwing Rubik’s Cubes at her, 76 of them! She was bruised all over and she started
screaming a deafening scream. They tried
to make her stop screaming by…challenging her to a Guitar Hero duel. Timm[ie] totally owned Susan because
he’s a Guitar Hero master, and stopped her deafening scream with her extreme
and utter awe at his amazingness. This
worked well, until out of the shadows emerged…Damian, Timm[ie]’s brother’s evil
twin brother! Damian started chanting,
“one of us… one of us…one of us…”
Susan started screaming again.
Mr. Bubbles shot off on the wrong tangent. A piece popped out of Timm[ie]’s Rubik’s Cube. The approaching aliens prepared to open fire
on the earth. By this time the expired
mayonnaise odor of the Love Sauce was becoming an ancient, spoiled, outdated,
mossy, moist, sticky, putrid mayonnaise smell, which was unbearable.
seemed to be lost, but then…ikkitikkilikki tossed her long, silky, smooth,
Kathleen-soft hair. Timm[ie]
swooned. She used her magical long and
beautiful hair goddess powers to make Damian disappear and to send all of the
Love Sauce covering the planet towards the sun. The giant mass of Love Sauce hurtled through space toward the
aliens, who were in the way. They
attempted to evade it, but there was just too much of it. As a last resort, they fired their Ultimate
Insta-Planet-Destroyer Maxi 2000 Version at the Love Sauce, but faulty wiring
prevented the device from functioning properly, and instead they were faced
with the Blue Screen of Death. The Love
Sauce enveloped their ships and smothered them with the older-than-expired
mayonnaise smell. Unfortunately, part
of the reasoning behind the aliens’ success was their amazingly acute sense of
smell. Thus, their bodies ceased to
function in such close proximity to the love sauce. The giant glob of Love Sauce continued its Journey to the Sun,
with the aliens in tow. After a few
minutes it disintegrated completely, along with the aliens, as it passed into
the sun’s core. Thus, the only other
sentient race in the known universe was completely wiped out.
Earth, everyone was celebrating and doing the chicken dance again. ikkitikkilikki pulled Timm[ie] aside and
gave him a hug, but then told him that regrettably, she could not remain in her
corporeal form on Earth much longer. As
a parting gift, she gave Timm[ie] a box containing a small lock of her hair and
a magical pink hairbrush that had the ability to fix split ends and untangle
any girl’s hair, no matter how messy it was.
He promised to keep them safe and said goodbye as ikkitikkilikki
finally finished his chores and Tangent Man, Lord Omnipotent of the Literary
World, went back into hiding in his secret lair. A chinchilla squeaked at the setting sun as Timm[ie] walked back
home. And they lived happily ever after.
again, the only parts that I actually wrote were the opening “Once upon a time,”, one sentence in the middle, and the last 3 paragraphs or so. this has got to make my yearbook the coolest one ever…thanks guys.
-yes, ikkitikkilikki’s name changes during the story. the =correct= spelling is indeed “ikkitikkilikki”, but well…it’s a difficult name to spell, no?
-the word count for the story just breaks 1000 words. sweet.
-i’m pretty sure the only person who is going to get =all= of the references in the story is me. haha…
-i edited some of the content in an attempt to clean it up, but it’s still 99% the original words that people wrote in my yearbook.